The Wedgie

It’s safe to assume that ever since people have worn pants there has been the complaint of fabric packing itself into the tight space of any butt crack it could find. The annoyance of having material bunched up in the back and the shame of having to deal with it in public has plagued mankind for centuries. This unbiased felon went unnamed for many years of its undie-scrunching spree until an unknown genius gave it a name: wedgie.

Once underwear started becoming increasingly available to everyone with a variety of fabrics and styles to choose from the runway was set for the wedgie to begin its true reign of terror. The almighty wedgie quickly became a feared weapon in the bullys’ arsenal of tactics. Just saying the word would make band geeks’ clench their butt cheeks in fear and fill fetishists’ stomachs with butterflies as they let their waistbands peek out for an easier target.

Leaving a trail of shredded fabric, enlarged leg holes, and chapped butt cracks in its wake; the wedgie would become the bane of all nerds, an ace in the hole for lowbrow comedy, and a fan favorite among older siblings that had an annoying little brother or sister. The wedgie would frequently torment gymnasts in their leotards, first-time thong wearers, and anyone who tried to jump a fence in shorts. Even gaining celebrity-like fame in movies and finding a special place among friends at sleepovers and summer camps.

The most commonly thought of wedgies are the classic, the atomic, and the hanging. With hundreds of years of practice the wedgie has evolved, learned, and adapted to give itself a plethora of undie tearing deviations to dish out. New ideas and combinations are being conceived every day and woe on to those who are the first to feel the newest cheek splitting sensation to spawn in the realm of the wedgie!

Types

1)All Around Wedgie: Can be done solo but easiest with two or more people. If solo, give the victim a normal wedgie then spin the around and give them a frontal wedgie, then if you like you can pull up the sides as well. If with a group, have everyone take a side of the victim's underwear (one or two hands in the front, back, and sides). Then all pull up at the same time. The end result should be the same either way, the victim should have their underwear hiked up an equal height all the way around (the higher the better).

2)Atomic Wedgie: When the victim's underwear is pulled up so high that it either goes over the victim's head or it rips completely off. If over the head the waistband can be hooked over the nose or in the mouth (adding insult to injury the victim will be blinded by their underwear and forced to taste it).

3)Backward Wedgie: A wedgie where the victim has their underwear on backwards. This way the underwear is more like a thong when it is in your butt because the front side of the underwear is not as wide as the back side.

4)Blast Wedgie: The victim is wedgied with no pants on so their butt is completely exposed. Then water is shot directly at their butt, usually by a hose or water gun.

5)Bouncing Wedgie (aka Kangaroo Wedgie): The victim is given a wedgie and then bounced, if you can't bounce the victim then just start jumping. Either way the underwear will repeatedly be wedged up the victim's butt. This can be a good technique to use if you plan on giving the victim an Atomic Wedgie or a Shoulder Wedgie (the bounces stretching the underwear).

6)Bra-Connection Wedgie: Give a girl a normal wedgie until her leg holes are shown. Next unhook the back of her bra then re-hook it through the leg holes. When you're done she'll be getting a wedgie by her own bra. This can also be done from the front (much easier if the bra unhooks at the front).

7)Chair Wedgie: When the victim is sitting in a chair with a back, give the victim a wedgie. Once the underwear is high enough hook it over the top of the back of the chair. This can be made worse by putting something heavy in the victim's lap or by tying them to the seat of the chair.

8)Chew Toy Wedgie: For this wedgie you will need a strong dog and a chew toy that the dog likes to play with. Tie one end of a rope or leash to the victim’s underwear then tie the other end to the dog’s toy. When the dog goes to play with its toy it will give the victim a massive wedgie. The victim will be at the mercy of the dog’s game of tug-of-war as the dog won’t stop until it gets tired.

9)Conga Wedgie: Stand behind your victim and hold onto their underwear, then have someone come up behind you and hold your underwear. Keep up this pattern until everyone who wants to participate is in line. If you have conga music, play it and when the loudest bump is heard (the part where people usually say 'Hey') have everyone wedgie the person whose underwear they're holding. To be fair (and if you have enough people) try to form a circle so nobody is left out in the giving or receiving part.

10)Copy Wedgie: Pants the victim, bind their hands, and give them a wedgie. Once their butt is fully exposed, lift them onto a copy machine and start making copies of their butt. For added humiliation write the victim's name across their butt cheeks.

11)Dangling Wedgie: A wedgie usually given by more than one person or somebody who is able to lift another person. When you give the wedgie, pull the victim onto their tiptoes. They should be able to touch the ground but just barely.

12)Dizzy Wedgie: The victim is given a wedgie and pulled around in circles. To take this to the next level give the victim a hanging wedgie with nothing around them (off a tree branch or in the middle of a room) then spin them in circles. When you release them they will spin very fast.

13)Doorknob Wedgie: Usually done with stretchy underwear, the victim's underwear is attached to a doorknob (leg holes wrapped around or waistband hooked over the handle) on the side the door opens up to. Put the victim on the opposite side of the door (the side the underwear isn't attached to) and close the door. When finished you should be inside a room and the victim should be outside in the hallway with their underwear pulled through the closed doorway. For the best results you should be able to lock the door from the inside, then sit back and listen to music, watch TV, or play video games because your victim is stuck until you get bored.

14)Dragging Wedgie: When the victim is on the ground, grab their underwear and run.

15)Fireman's Carry Wedgie: If you're ever laid over the shoulder of a person (facing their back) grab their underwear and give them a wedgie. Most likely they will try to make you stop by bending forward and putting you down. All you have to do is fall back and take their underwear with you.

16)Forklift Wedgie: A group wedgie when two or more people grab a victim's underwear and lift them off the ground. Typically done fast to add to the power of the two people pulling, this makes it a pretty painful wedgie.

17)Front and Back Wedgie: The victim is given a wedgie from the front and back at the same time.

18)Frontal (aka Melvin): The same as a normal wedgie except you pull up the front of the victim's underwear instead of the back. This is sometimes seen as the most painful wedgie due to the fact that it crushes the tentacles or forces itself into the vulva (very sensitive areas) if done hard enough.

19)Frosty Wedgie: The victim's underwear is completely soaked in water and frozen. Once the underwear is done freezing the victim is wedgied in them until they thaw out.

20)Gang Wedgie: Not so much a type of wedgie but more of a method. This is when there is more than one person wedging the victim at any given time. A gang wedgie can include any type of wedgie (hanging, atomic, messy, ect) as long as there is at least a 2:1 giver:receiver ratio.

21)Grounded Wedgie: A wedgie where the victim can’t leave the ground no matter how hard you pull on their underwear. There are a few ways to achieve this:

• Stand on the victim's feet and wedgie them

• Have a second person, or more, sit down and hug the victim’s legs while you give them a wedgie

22)Hanging Wedgie: When the victim is wedgied and has their underwear hooked onto something high up. If done right the victim should be completely off the ground hanging only by their underwear. It's best that you hang your victim by their leg holes, if you use the cloth right under the waistband it could tear away and end your fun too early. There are a few different techniques used:

• Coat Hook Wedgie: Give the victim a wedgie and lift them onto a set of coat hooks, one for each leg hole. Hanging by the leg holes keeps the victim stuck longer but the hooks can be ripped off the wall

• Fence Wedgie: Give the victim a wedgie and lift them onto a tall fence. Metal and wooden fences can be used, the ideal way is to get the boards or bars through the victim’s leg holes but if you’re unable to then you can just hook their waistband over the top

• Flagpole Wedgie (aka Patriotic Wedgie): Give the victim a wedgie then attach their underwear to the rope of a flag pole. Once the underwear is secure hoist the victim up and tie off the other end

• Tennis Ball Wedgie:Give the victim a wedgie then pull the back of their underwear through the fence, ideal for a chain-link fence but you can also use a wooden fence if it has large enough gaps. Once you have the victim’s waistband through the hole, place a tennis ball inside then twist the underwear and release. If done right the tennis ball should hold the underwear and not allow it to slip through the fence

23)Jet Ski Wedgie: When swimming, grab the victim's swimsuit (trunks, speedo, bikini bottoms) and swim away. The result is them getting pulled by their swimsuit and looking like a jet ski. If you aren't a strong swimmer try running along the side of the pool with the victim's suit. Be careful you don't slip, the victim most likely won't hesitate to get their hands on your own swimsuit.

24)Jock Lock Wedgie: When the victim is lying face down on the floor give them a normal wedgie until the leg holes are showing. Next grab their feet and bend their legs back so their feet are by their butt. Finally loop the leg holes over the ankles. If the victim is wearing a belt their underwear will give a constant wedgie, if there is no belt (as in they are wearing sweatpants) then their legs will pull their underwear back, exposing their butt. Too make this hard (and painful) to get out of do it while the victim is wearing shoes or tie their wrist together. The more they kick the worse the wedgie gets. You can also put the victim's arms through the back of their leg holes and tie their wrist back there, this is called a Hogtied Wedgie.

25)Journalist Wedgie: Give the victim a wedgie then hold the wedgie while making them type out what is happening.

26)Messy Wedgie: Put any kind of messy substance down the underwear (such as bananas, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, etc.) and then give them a wedgie. As the name suggests, this can get very messy with the ingredients running down the victim's legs and onto the floor (also splattering all over the place from the wedgie). Its best that this is done outside, on easily cleaned floors, or with tarps covering the room. Variation of this can be the:

• Chilly Wedgie: ice or snow put in the underwear

• Breakfast Wedgie: milk, cereal, toast, ect. put in the underwear

• Muddybuddy Wedgie: mud put in the underwear

• Birthday Wedgie: cake and/or ice cream put in the underwear. If you want to go further, after giving the victim a wedgie have them lay on their stomach then stick a candle between their butt cheeks

• Itchy Wedgie: itching power put in the underwear

• Nature Wedgie: grass, pine needles, flowers, ect. put in the underwear

• Banana Wedgie: place a banana in the back of the victim's underwear. If you want you can split the banana in half, sticking one part in the front and one part in the back

• Sandwich Wedgie: make a sandwich of any type (ham, cheese, peanut butter+jelly, ect.). Now put half of it in the front of the underwear and the other half in the back (so the person is placed in between the two slices)

27)Multi-layered Hanging Wedgie: This is a hanging wedgie but with multiple pairs of underwear on. Get multiple links of rope in different lengths, tie the shortest one to your victim's inner most pair of underwear and the longest one to your most outer pair (make the pattern so that the rope gets longer with each pair of underwear that you go out). If done right the victim should be in a hanging wedgie by their inner most pair of underwear (all the other pairs just sitting on their body with ropes attached to them). Once the first pair rips they will fall into the second pair, starting the hanging wedgie all over again. This technique should only be used on people you really hate or if you find someone who really enjoys wedgies.

28)Normal Wedgie: Find someone with their underwear sticking out (or reach down their pants if you were planning to do this), grab their underwear, and pull up. Doing this to strangers could get you into trouble (sexual harassment) so it's best to just use it on friends or family who can take a classic joke.

29)Pantsing Wedgie: First the victim is pantsed (their pants are pulled down to their ankles). When they bend over to pick up their pants you get behind them and wedgie them. To really embarrass them, right before you give the wedgie put your foot on their fallen pants. This keeps the pants on the floor and you can wedgie them right out of their pants.

30)Permanent Wedgie: Take off the victim's shirt and give them a frontal and normal wedgie. Take a thin piece of string (like a shoelace) and thread it through the front of the leg holes (the string should be coming out an equal distance from each leg hole). Next pull the ends of the string over the victim's shoulders and tightly tie them to their back leg holes. With their wedgie secure make them put on a shirt to hide it and go see a movie or to the store. Just make sure you ask them to reach anything high up or get anything that falls on the floor.

31)Pile Driver Wedgie: The victim faces you and you put the victim's head between your legs. Reach forward and pull their underwear up their back. They'll get stuck, unable to move forward or move back. Be careful not to squeeze your legs around their neck.

32)Pocket Wedgie: After given a wedgie, put the victim's hands down the back of their underwear and out of the back leg holes and have them keep it in their pocket.

33)Propeller Wedgie: A straight item (like a baseball bat, hockey stick, pipe, ect.) is threaded through both leg holes (can be in the front or back). Then you turn the straight item in one direction, the underwear will quickly work its way into the victim's butt and tighten all the way around.

34)Rowing Wedgie: With the victim lying on the floor (face down or face up), sit yourself right above their head and place the soles of your feet on their shoulders. Reach forward and grab their underwear then act as if you were rowing a rowboat. It's similar to the Pile Driver Wedgie because the victim can't go forward or back, but you don't have as much control over them this way.

35)Scarecrow Wedgie: You will need a long stick (like a broom) and for your victim to be wearing a long sleeve shirt. Give the victim a normal wedgie and pull it high enough so that the leg holes are just below armpit level and underneath the shirt. Next thread the broomstick through one of their sleeves, when you get to their back you need to thread the broomstick through both leg holes, lastly thread it through the next sleeve. When you're done the victim's arms should be up like a scarecrows' and their underwear stuck. If you use something like tape or a stick that is just short enough to have the sleeves hang over the ends, this can be an incredibly hard wedgie to get out of (next to a hanging wedgie or hogtied wedgie).

36)Self Wedgie: You give yourself the wedgie. This is usually only done if you are drunk, taking a dare, wonder how it feels, or just like being wedgied. You can add 'Self' to most of the wedgie types (self-hanging wedgie, self-atomic wedgie, self-frontal wedgie, ect.).

37)Shoulder Wedgie: The underwear is pulled so high that the leg holes are able to go over the victim's shoulders (the underwear will look like suspenders).

38)Side Wedgie: Instead of pulling up at the front or the back, grab a side of the victim's underwear and pull up.

39)Slide Wedgie: When your victim is sitting at the top of a slide grab their underwear and push them down the slide. They won't get far if you keep a grip on their underwear. For fun you can pull them back up and push them back down again. If you think you can take it a step further, try tying a rope to the victim's underwear and then pushing them down. They'll be stuck halfway down the slide and if they manage to get off to the side they'll still have the rope attached to their underwear that will catch them as they fall.

40)Snuggie Wedgie: Give the victim a wedgie in the smallest underwear they can possibly wear.

41)Splits Wedgie: For this the victim needs to be wearing jeans and needs to be able to comfortably do the splits and you will need a long rod. Have the victim do the splits, while they are down thread the rod up one of their pants leg and out the other. Make sure you don't thread the rod through the underwear! Now that your victim can't run, grab their underwear and pull. If you're feeling a bit mean, trying putting them in a Scarecrow Wedgie so that they form an 'H' shape.

42)Squeaky Clean Wedgie: This can be done by one or two people. First give the victim a wedgie (normal or frontal). Then if you are alone, spin them around and give them the opposite type. If you are working with someone else, let them pull up on their end. This back and forth motion makes the underwear slide between the victim's legs (through the butt and over or into the front). It's best to do this when the victim is wearing pants so the underwear stays in place.

43)Suspenders Wedgie: Take a pair of suspenders and attach the clips to the waistband of the underwear instead of the pants. Depending on the grip of the suspenders it may be more effective to do an All Around Wedgie first then apply the suspenders to keep a decent amount of tugging.

44)Swing Wedgie: To prepare for this wedgie you will need a swing and you will need to wrap the swing around the overhead beam so it gets to a reasonable height. Next have the victim sit in the higher than usual swing, attach their underwear to the actual seat or the chains/ropes holding the seat. Push them off and watch them hang. For added pain you can swing them, the pendulum motion gives more pressure at certain points (stopping at the top, swinging down, and swinging forward).

45)Tarzan Wedgie: Just like a shoulder wedgie except you only put one leg hole over the victim's shoulder.

46)Texas Wedgie: This technique actually has a few meanings:

• The first just being an extremely big wedgie (everything's bigger in Texas).The problem with that definition is that it can be confused with the Atomic Wedgie

• The second definition is a wedgie that causes the victim to bleed. This is borderline assault, if you give someone a wedgie that hard then you really should stop.

• The third definition is when you give the victim a wedgie after pouring hot sauce into their underwear. This is the one I feel is correct

• The fourth definition is when the victim is given a wedgie so hard it reaches their neck in one pull

47)Trashcan Wedgie: For this you'll need a trashcan big enough for your victim to sit in and with some type of handle. First have the victim sit on top of the open and empty (or near empty) trashcan. Grab the victim's underwear and pull it until it you can hook it over or attach it to the handle on the side. Once the underwear is attached, push the victim down into the trashcan. If done right the victim's butt should be deep in the trashcan, their arms and legs sticking out the top, and their underwear stretched all the way to the handle.

48)Twist Wedgie: Give the victim a wedgie then jerk the underwear to the side.

49)Utterly Undies: The victim is given a wedgie in nothing but underwear.

50)Vampire Wedgie: Instead of using your hands to wedgie your victim, you bite the waistband and pull up with your teeth.

51)Wedgie Bun: Give the victim a wedgie until the back is sticking out of their jeans. Next you pull the underwear through a belt loop and tie it into a big knot. If done right the wedgie will stay intact and the victim will struggle to untie their underwear from their pants.

52)Wedgie Cuffed: After given a wedgie, put the victim's hands down the back of their underwear and out of the back leg holes. Now tie their hands together so they cannot try to get out without giving themselves a wedgie.

53)Wedgie Hug: Walk up to your victim and give them a hug. Once your arms are around them, dig down into their pants and give them a wedgie. The upside to this is that you can squeeze your arms tight and trap the victim in the wedgie. The downside is that the victim can also reach into your pants and give you a wedgie, this is called a Double Wedgie Hug.

54)Wedgie Locked: This requires a lock not built into another object (combination or pad lock). Give the victim a wedgie then hook the lock through their leg holes and an elevated bar, like a chain link fence. Once you close the lock the victim has no way of getting free besides having their underwear ripped

55)Wedgie War: When you give the victim a wedgie shout out 'Wedgie War' to give them the signal that you want them to fight back. This is really only done if you want to be wedgied in return. The actual 'war' part being won by a set of limits (first in an atomic loses, first to tap out loses, ect.). A wedgie war can stretch out over a few days to make the participants paranoid about their opponent getting the last wedgie. The phrase doesn't always need to be said, as long as you and the victim start competitively trading wedgies it can be considered a wedgie war.

56)Zip line Wedgie: A long rope is first attached to something fixed at waist height. The rope is then passed through the back of the victim's underwear and the far end of the rope is attached to something high (about head height). The rope should now look a bit like a zip-line and if the victim is made to move towards the high end their wedgie will get steadily worse. This can be done by just making them or by setting it up so that the only way for them to escape is by reaching the high end. Like tying the rope to something high, run it down through the victim's underwear, around something waist high, back through the underwear, then tie it back up at the top so all the knots are at the highest end.